Adorn
by Dark Northern Lights
Summary: Contains: Some mentions of violence, and references to nudity and adult activities. Leo asks a strange question and actually learns the answer. Rating is Mikey's fault, strangely enough. No spoilers, no slash. I own a stuffed turtle named Verdi, a stuffed bear named Arthur, and some action figures.


**Adorn**

Leo didn't understand why humans wore such strange clothes.

Not that he wanted them to walk around naked; lacking a turtle's natural armor, humans were soft and squishy. He understood why they wore clothes, of course, but not why they felt the need to wear clothes that were uncomfortable, or restrictive, or that just didn't cover everything.

Don had tried to explain it to him after morning training, though Leo felt privately that the genius turtle didn't get it either and was just quoting what April had told him.

"They want to look good," Don had said, barely looking up from a heap of what looked like junk to Leo, but obviously looked like the ingredients to some kind of gadget to his brother. "Humans want other people to think that they're attractive, that's why they put themselves into those weird outfits."

Leo had nodded along with the explanation, though he hadn't thought it sounded right, to spare himself a lecture. If Don thought he was understood, he often stopped explaining, especially if he was busy. Don had gone back to his assembly of the contraption he hadn't bothered to name yet, and Leo went to meditate on why it sounded wrong.

Later that night, he and Raphael had run into a group of Purple Dragons. While they came out largely uninjured, Raph had been concussed and Leo was talking as much as he could to keep the woozy turtle awake. At some point, the question had just slipped out. Raph had laughed out loud like he hadn't in a very long time, a bass thrum that made Leo smile just a little in return.

"Man, Leo, whatever you're on, I want some!" Raph had declared, wiping an imagined tear away. "You are _way_ too funny!"

Leo's mouth had twisted into a wry smile as he realized the absurdity of the question. "Yeah, I'm hilarious. Just answer the question, you bonehead."

Raph had taken a second longer to collect himself, tiny chuckles shaking his massive frame. It had taken Leo weeks to get over the fact that Raph was taller than him, and that Leo would never catch up to the giant growth spurt that had made it possible. "All right, here's what it is; humans wear those ridiculous clothes to be noticed."

Leo had concealed his surprise; he really hadn't expected sense from Raphael, especially with a concussion in play. "To be noticed?" he'd repeated.

"Yeah!" Raph had emphasized his point with a dramatic wave of his free arm. "The whole world's a stage, big bro, and everyone wants to be the star!"

Leo laughed and abandoned the question, though he hadn't thought it sounded complete, to try and keep Raph quiet; if they weren't careful, some irritated human was going to stick their head out to shout at them and get the biggest shock of their life. Raph made it back to the lair in one piece and babbled happily to Don as his head was cleaned and bandaged. Leo looked on in the background with a smile and tried not to enjoy it too much. Concussion or not, it'd been far too long since Raph had been this relaxed around his brothers.

Now, three hours later, he sat down next to Mikey on the couch. He needed to unwind a little without exhausting his body, and Mikey had tuned the television to some decades-old action flick with Tom Cruise in it. As the female lead appeared, wearing a dress that seemed two sizes smaller than her skin and heels that must've defied multiple laws of physics, the question left Leo's mouth before he was aware he'd thought it.

"Why do humans wear clothes like that?" Leo asked.

Mikey looked at him like he'd gone nuts. "Like what?"

Leo gestured vaguely at the screen. "Like… that," he repeated. "She's a spy; shouldn't she at least wear something she can fight in?"

Mikey grinned. "So you want to know why?"

Leo rolled his eyes. "Would I ask if I didn't?"

"Yes," Mikey said, earning himself a glare. "You ask all kinds of questions you don't want answers to! 'Would I ask if I didn't?' 'Why don't you ever listen?' And, my personal favorite, 'Do you think I'm an idiot?'" At Leo's darkening expression, Mikey chuckled. "I kid, I kid!"

"Are you going to answer the question or not?"

"Fear not, my fashion-challenged brother!" Mikey proclaimed, striking a heroic pose. "I, Michelangelo, am here to make all things clear!"

Leo crossed his arms and looked up at his youngest brother expectantly. "Well?"

Mikey cleared his throat. "Well, you see, humans are _very_ squishy, and, unlike turtles, do not have shells to save them from–"

Leo threw up his hands. "You know what? Forget it. I don't even know why I asked." With that, Leo started off toward his room, intending to once again meditate on what the true answer could possibly be.

"Wait!" Mikey cried, putting a hand on Leo's shoulder. "You mean you actually wanted to know?"

Leo raised his eyes to the ceiling. "Yes, Mikey; I actually wanted to know."

"Oh," Mikey said, and that one syllable made Leo tear his eyes away from the ceiling and fix them on his younger brother. The younger turtles baby blue eyes were serious for once, only a trace of their usual humor left. "Then I'll tell you."

Leo hesitated only a moment; Mikey wasn't _that_ skilled of an actor. "Okay. Let me have it."

"Humans wear those weird clothes because they want people to see them a certain way. Those clothes are like masks."

Leo blinked. And then he blinked a second time, and a third, as he processed the implications. "Masks?"

"Yup," Mikey nodded. "We all wear them. Not the clothes, the masks," he clarified, rather unnecessarily, "and not literal masks, like ninjas, but…" He sighed. "Look, humans want people to look at them in different ways depending on what they want. If a human wants people to take him seriously, he dresses for the occasion: a suit for a businessman, a uniform for a cop…" He smirked. "A tight dress for a hooker."

Leo blushed. "Okay…"

"There's more," Mikey grinned. "It's all about perception. That lady spy on the screen?" he asked, jerking his head back at the television. "She wants everyone at that party to think she's got more to offer between the sheets than the ears." He giggled as Leo flushed darker. "And then," he went on, as Leo started to look annoyed again, "when no one's looking at her, because no one thinks she's important, she'll get what she wants and get out before anyone's the wiser!"

Leo tried not to gape. It wasn't that Mikey was stupid; in fact, his brother was very creative and, despite what Raph said, intelligent. It was part of what made him such a talented ninja. No, the issue was that Mikey was _childish_. Mikey's immaturity was what kept him on the same level as the rest of the brothers. He still slept with a teddy bear and a night-light, covered his notebooks with superhero stickers, and watched dozens of cartoons. But while it was a part of Mikey that Leo sincerely doubted he would grow out of, he suddenly realized that it was a mask. It was the expected. Mikey was the spy and the whole world was filled with the unwitting party guests who never knew to watch out until it was far too late.

Leo smiled. He had his answer. "I think I understand now."

Mikey's grin just widened. "I hope so, after I went to _all_ that trouble to explain it to you."

Leo patted him on the shell to forestall any bragging and headed back to the couch. He wanted to meditate on this new knowledge of masks, both literal and figurative, and how they applied to his brothers, but for the time being, Tom Cruise was flirting with a sexy female spy as they shot their way towards a very fancy-looking car, and Mikey's favorite part was coming up.

**—Fin**


End file.
